I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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