do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I fill condoms, not promises.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
