NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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