have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
