sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
