You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
