remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
