Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
