And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
