Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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