New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
