We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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