Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
