i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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