hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
