so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
