Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
