Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
