you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
