You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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