I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
