"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
