oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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