Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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