erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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