Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
