mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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