Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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