I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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