He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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