Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
