I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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