So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
