i don't plan on having that self control this summer
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
