We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
