I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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