Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
