my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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