I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize