Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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