I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
