my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I understand Curling. That high.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
