I CAN MOONWALK!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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