from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
