I smell stomach acid.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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