paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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