I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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