my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
