if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
