You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
