I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
