I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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