Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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