id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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