I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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