problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
