That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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