when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
