I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
