we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
