he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
