Already got asked if we're dating
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
