The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
what is it with giant penises always finding me
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
