I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
