whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
