office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
