dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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