I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My ass is underappreciated
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
