well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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