a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
