I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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