She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
