I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
