it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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