i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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