he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
