yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize